Nonverbal communication is a means of transmitting information through facial expressions, gestures, touching, physical movement, posture, body adornment (clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, tattoos, etc.), and even the tone, timbre and volume of an individual's voice.
Even though the transmission of this information comprises 60-65% of all interpersonal communication, most people go through life totally unaware of what their body language is saying to others.
Because people are not always aware they are communicating nonverbally, body language is often more honest than an individual's carefully crafted words.
And let's be honest, if there is any discrepancy between WHAT someone says and HOW they say it, we almost always believe their body language over their spoken word.
Last week, when working with a group of individuals who are in professional transition, we discussed the importance of walking into every job interview with complete confidence - truly believing that the individual you are about to meet is going to like you and see the value in what you have to offer.
For many, the job interview is an uncomfortable environment, and when we find ourselves in an uncomfortable environment, our limbic brain "leaks" our negative feelings out to the rest of the world in the form of body language.
In an attempt to restore itself to "normal conditions," the brain will enlist the body to provide comforting behaviors. In other words, the brain requires the body to do something that will stimulate nerve endings to release calming endorphins in the brain, so that the brain can be soothed. (Panksepp, 1998, 272) (Navarro, 2007, 141-163) (Navarro & Karlins, 2008, 35-37)
Examples of these comforting/pacifying behaviors would be soothing our neck with a gentle massage, stroking our face, or playing with our hair - which is MY pacifying behavior. Shhh...Don't tell anyone!:-)
For others, a pacifying behavior might be using one hand to rub a finger on your other hand, using both hands to rub the tops of your thighs, rubbing your checks or lips from the inside with your tongue or exhaling slowly with puffed cheeks. Just last week I spoke with a gentleman whose pacifying behavior was grabbing his earlobe and massaging it for one to two seconds.
So why is this important?
Since these outward signals can be read in real time, others can observe and decode them immediately (Navarro & Karlins, 2008, 35-37). If the person with whom we are speaking observes this body language and senses we are uncomfortable, it is likely to have a negative impact on our interaction with him or her.
Therefore, it is imperative that we identify our individual pacifying behaviors and learn to proactively recognize and manage them so that we always appear "nonverbally confident" to those who are listening to AND watching us!
Source Notes:
Navarro, J. (2007). Psychologie de la communication non verbale. In M. St-Yues & M. Tanguay (Eds.), Psychologie de l'enquete criminelle: La recherche de la verite. Cowansville, Quebec: Les Editions Yvon Blais: 141-163.
Navarro, J. & Karlins, M. (2008). What Every Body Is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.
Panksepp, J. (1998). Affective neuroscience: The foundations of human and animal emotions. New York: Oxford University Press, Inc.
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